28 posts tagged “writing”

But I'm not giving up on the writing. 

Tomorrow I'm shipping out a piece that hasn't been tried with a pub since last summer -- and that (IMHO) is much improved since then. 

So at this point I have 3 pieces out at various pubs, and 2 more up on my crit-group wiki.  Hopefully my fellow wikians will give me some constructive crit there before I leave for vacation.  I have pubs in mind for both of those two after the wikians have at them. 

Tomorrow my in-laws are taking the kids, and I'm going to spend most of the day applying for jobs. 

But, I'll also take the kid-free opportunity to drop that story in the mail -- although they love the Post Office.  We have a nice man there who gives out stickers and lollipops to urchins.  But, I will find it easier to wait in line without them!

Oh, PS -- my brother's wife had the baby this morning!  Yay!  -- Precious Princess's FIRST GIRL COUSIN!!  (Yes, she did turn out to be a girl.)  Too bad they live in Tennessee and we won't get to see much of them.  But, I also have to get my baby-gift in the mail tomorrow as well. 

Now all 3 of us are parents, and my parents have 5 grandkids.  Whew!  This time last year, my 3 kids were the only ones. 

It's very weird to be this old.  I don't feel as old as I am.

Just got the results of the contest where I entered 2 stories.

The good news is, my two stories WERE among the 12 finalists.

The bad news is, they were NOT among the 3 winners.

But, I find this encouraging.

Given the total number of entrants, being among the top 12 is pretty darned good.  It helps me believe that my own recent self-assessment is not so far off the mark -- that my pieces are better than 90 - 95 % of what's out there, but still are not quite in the top 97th - 99th percentile.  And that's where they need to be in order to be published (or win, in the case of this contest). 

So, that's encouraging b/c it says that (a) I have an accurate view of my current skill level, (b) I'm not being totally unrealistic in my dream, and (c) that a breakthrough might be just around the corner.  (Well, it might.)

And I'll never know if I stop sending things out.

And also that I shouldn't stop improving them, either. 

B/c the totally unanticipated bonus of having entered this contest was, the ding-letter included a fairly detailed assessment from the judges of what they LIKED about each story...  and what could have been improved, or, why it didn't WIN.

And THAT will be VERY helpful indeed.  Moving forward.

The judges' assessments of what could be improved about each piece -- it was one of those things where you go, "D'Oh!  They're RIGHT!  Why didn't I think of that???" 

What they liked:  In the case of BOTH stories:  characterization and world-building.  In the case of one story, its compliments included "capable writing" and "very original idea"; the other one garnered the praise, "Great villain!"  In both cases, the beginnings needed to be tightened/shortened, and the endings seemed abrupt or didn't quite fit. 

Part of that was the short upper limit on word-count:  3500 words.  I think the abrupt endings came from getting to around, oh, 3200 words and going "Oh S***!" and wrapping everything up in 300 words or fewer.  But of course, if I had shortened up the beginnings, I'd have had a few more words to spare to feather in the endings a bit more satisfactorily.  

And the other part was that I stumbled across this contest not too far in advance of the deadline, so the stories didn't get as many rounds of crit as I might have liked.  Maybe another few drafts would have helped me gain the courage or hard-heartedness to hack away whole paragraphs or sentences from the beginnings.  So next year I'm going to keep my eye on that contest and get their "theme" as soon as they release it, and give myself more time. 

(Oh, I should mention, this annual contest requires you to submit a story based on a "theme" they set.  The themes are pretty whacked -- this year's theme was "metallic feathers" and last year's was "fewmets at the end of time."  Since no one could possibly have predicted such a theme and written a story about that beforehand, this pretty much ensures that all entries are written expressly for their contest; can't dust off your old stuff and send it in.) 

Anyway. 

So. 

Onward!

Bah.

Just got another one today.

That's what you get for throwing stuff at the "qualified pro" mags.  Reality is, they have only enough space in a year's issues to print 3 out of every 1000 stories submitted by unknowns. 

Which means, my story could be better than 95% of the stuff they see... and still not be good enough. 

(Yet.)

Has to be better than 99.7% of the stuff they see.  And, has to hit the right sub-editor on the right day in the right mood. 

"Oh God, PLEASE not another vampire unicorn story!  PLEASE!"  --Toss.

(He-e-ey... a vampire unicorn!  Now THERE'S an idea...)

Well, so, the stars haven't aligned yet. 

Yet.

Won't accept as reality the highly disheartening receipt of two rejections lately. 

Won't.

Those two stories just haven't found the right markets.

Yet.

And, I still haven't heard anything yet on the 3 pieces remaining outstanding, any one of which (IMHO) is better, really, than the two that have recently been tossed on the dungheap of history.

And, I still have one in development that's very close to being ready to submit.

And umpteen more that are just clamoring to be brought to life.  Clamoring.

So, NO, I'm not going to reopen my search for a day job, I'm not going to be reasonable, be sensible, get real, I'm not, I won't.

NO, I said.

NO, I won't.

NO!

***

(the foregoing tantrum brought to you by the mother of Eldest Son, who just thought you might be interested to know where he got his stubborn streak...  apple don't fall far from the tree, do it?  D'Oh!!)

***

Huuuuu.

Huuuuu.

(that was me breathing deeply -- see earlier post on Eldest Son's Mother's Day book entry, "My Mother is very good at...")

***

Okay.  All calm now.  Brave determination mask firmly back in place over seething mire of insecurity. 

Gonna go kick the butt of my latest work in progress, right now!

- C

Last night I finally broke through my block on my problem story. 

Yeah!  Now I like it again.  I'm just... just gonna sit on it for a few days at least, to make sure the new pieces I added yesterday seem smoothly integrated into the whole, not chunked in at the last minute (even though they were). 

That's the trouble with editing.  You write a couple hundred new words here, cut out a hundred or two words there... and even though the story as a whole has been through umpteen iterations, you still have the NEW pieces that need to be reviewed and (possibly) edited AGAIN.  Usually I'm okay with cutting off this process, at least enough to send it off for a friend to review, but with THIS story, somehow... 

I feel, right now, that it's ready to send out.  (Version 8, good gravy!)  But, I've been sorry before for sending out something too soon.  Or as one of the published authors who led last fall's Conclave Writers' Workshop put it, "Don't serve undercooked food."  (What fabulous words; no wonder he's published!)  Don't serve undercooked food.  I tell myself that every time I'm tempted to send something out the VERY SECOND I finish it.  It's tough to hold back sometimes (like now), but it's a form of self-discipline. 

And now I can move on to something new, while I let that one bake for a bit.  Something I've been wanting to finish.

Onward!

Everybody's all healthy now.  Just been busy lately, extremely busy. 

Had a riproaring week, though not in a bad way.  But enough so that Dear Husband was exceedingly relieved when he asked me what was on the agenda for tomorrow night, and I said, "Nothing.  You're grilling chicken breasts for dinner, and we're hanging out at home." 

And enough so that I was exceedingly relieved, nay, blissed-out, when he reminded me that he is off work tomorrow.  His generous employer observes Memorial Day as a 4-day holiday instead of 3, and he gets tomorrow off as well as Monday. 

O.M.G., I feel like me again!  I've been depressed for so long (even with the medication, I now realize -- it just made me bearable, didn't make me me), and now I'm finally, finally me again! 

I got so flippin' much done this week!  It's unbelievable.  I actually organized the kitchen counters!  On top of everything else we did this week!  Now, that may not seem like much, but, come on, you all saw my kitchen counter back in February when I posted about my 15th wedding anniversary, complete with photo of my roses on my kitchen counter.  And it only got worse since then, believe me. 

When I found myself preparing my family's meals on the 8 or 10 inches closest to the counter's edge, because the rest of the counter was entirely covered in a foot-high mound of crap (metaphorically speaking), I said, "Girl, something's got to change."

So, hah!  DID that.  Check!

(I love to make lists, and check them off.  It is the most deliciously satisfying feeling, making that little check mark!)

Okay, Big Kid Items since last update: 

- Littlest Brother has been moved to a Big Boy Bed! 

His crib and dresser/changing table having been schlepped off to Aunt J's parents, who are, even as I type, schlepping off down to Tennessee (a roughly 8-hour drive from hereabouts) to deliver said furniture along with all of the baby shower gifts to J & B in anticipation of MY FIRST NIECE's arrival next month.  Yippee!! 

Although I must admit to a pang as I was contemplating L.B.'s "last night in the crib" and "last nap in the crib" and so on -- the crib which has seen continual hard use by my children over the past 7-1/2 years.  It served us well and truly is NOT much worse for the wear!  I would definitely recommend the Childcraft brand of baby furniture. 

- Continuing with the Big Boy theme, L.B. has taken to sitting on the toilet and attempting to go "peedle" first thing in the morning after we take his diaper off.  And this morning he actually did it!  Peedled into the potty!  He was absolutely bursting with pride.  So, I'm thinking potty training is on the horizon.  I really detest potty training, on the whole, but I think L.B. MAY be easier than the older two were.  He's SO motivated to be Big Boy.

- Eldest Son got a set of Bunk Beds!  His old twin bed having been handed down to Littlest Brother.  He of course insists on sleeping on the top bunk, and loves it.  Absolutely adores it.  Couldn't be happier.

- Also, tonight was Eldest Son's class "Rainforest" event.  Their entire classroom has been decorated as a rainforest, complete with paper vines and animals, for the past month, and the children have been busy learning about, you guessed it, rainforests.  They each chose an animal to become an expert on, and he chose the Macaw.  He did a fabulous job at tonight's presentation, telling about the Macaw. 

And, I noticed several important areas of progress for him during the related projects leading up to tonight's event.  He showed new capacity for accepting adult advice, for changing his plan mid-stream when the first plan didn't work out, for continuing on a project even after he got frustrated with it -- for coming back to it after a cooling-off period and solving the problem.  All of these things are tremendously encouraging for me to witness, because I know only too well from past experience how much it could have gone differently (read: worse).

And finally -- I got my first rejection from my most recent bout of story-submitting!  Yeah! 

And know what I did?  I revamped the opening a tad bit, hoping to sharpen up the "hook".  And I sent it out AGAIN, to a DIFFERENT publication!  Yeah!

And I'm going to KEEP submitting it until either I use up my list of pubs that I think would be a good fit for it (in which case I'll retire it temporarily, let it rest a bit and work on some other things), OR one of them buys it!  YEAH!

So THERE!

AND, last week Friday I submitted what I think is maybe my best bet yet.  So, we'll see how that goes.

So, I still have 5 stories out there at this point.

And I'm wallowing in the mire of this one darned story that just keeps getting worse and worse. 

Six months ago, it seemed like my best story yet.  Seemed like it really didn't need much polishing in order to send it out.  And then, and then everything I tried just made it WORSE.  And I just got SO SICK OF IT, I literally couldn't stand the sight of it.  I became completely incapable of judging whether the latest changes were in any way an improvement over the previous version, or if the entire thing was just a load of crap.  Gee, maybe I should change it to present tense.  Gee, maybe I should rewrite it from the point-of-view of the ficus tree.  Gee, maybe I should write it in second person.  And finally I decided to just take a fresh approach, and start over again on a blank sheet of paper. 

No, no, no, don't worry, I didn't junk it.  What, 're you kidding?  I am constitutionally UNABLE to throw ANYTHING away, even when my entire house is being drowned in clutter.  (Think: Tribbles.  Made out of paper.  Stacks and stacks of paper.  And toys.  Floods and floods of brightly-colored chunks of plastic, knee-deep in places.)  Never mind my hard drive.  My hard drive is essentially boundless for the kind of files I keep, and at least old computer files don't pile up in the meatspace, and threaten to topple over, burying small children under an avalanche of paper and Barbie-doll shoes.  No, of course I changed the file name and still have ALL of the versions of this story -- all 7 of them to date, PLUS the all-new one. 

So, I'm behind on my self-imposed deadline for getting this story in shape for submission, but I think it'll be worth it.     

Okay, I've GOT to got to bed.

Toodle-oo!!

...for reasons I will discuss in a later post.

In the meantime, a few updates:

- I haven't written a new word in almost 3 weeks.  (For shame!!) 

Fell out of the habit during the Disney vacation.  In my own defense, however, it's not that I haven't worked on my writing during that time -- I've been editing the heck out of several pieces that were languishing in the first-draft-with-crit stage.  These are the 3 -- no, 4 -- well, let's say 5 short pieces I want to get wrapped up and sent out before tackling my Novel / Trilogy / Series.  Enough procrastinating on the edits, DANG IT!

- I'm also languishing on a plateau of weightloss.  Or should that be weightlosslessness?  Bah.  Well, I still have 5 whole months to my 20th high-school reunion, so all hope is not yet lost!

- I've been enjoying my aerobics class (intimidatingly titled "Boot Camp") -- much to my surprise.

- I don't THINK I'll be homeschooling Eldest Son next year -- which is probably for the best. 

Cheers,

C

Sent off two stories to a contest today.  There wasn't a limit on the number of stories an individual author could submit, and I couldn't decide which of two was the best, so I just sent them both.  What the hey.  Let them decide which one is the best.

Still haven't heard about the other two stories, the ones I submitted to pubs at the end of Feb.  Welp, still hoping. 

I'm actually feeling pretty good about my writing these days.  I have so many dang short stories and novellas in the works that I never get enough time to work on them as I'd like.  I feel that my skills are close to being ready to tackle a longer project, like maybe a real novel...

I have three more short pieces that I want to do something with -- well, four -- and then when I've submitted those to their various intended markets, then I plan to get started on a real novel.

Wheeeee!

I just submitted two different short pieces to two different publications.

I'm feeling a little insecure at the moment.

I'm craving feedback on some other pieces but I think I've tapped out my inner circle of early readers for the moment -- after all, they all have lives too.  Kids, jobs, snow to shovel, ponies (more shoveling), their own writing, you name it -- they have lives.  They've given much to me lately, for which I am grateful -- let's make that perfectly clear.

I'm fearing that because they don't sit by their computers just begging for an email with another one of my stories attached, and drop everything and read it RIGHT THAT MINUTE and turn around and send me useful crit within twenty-four hours (*making fun of self here, let's just be clear*)... that that must mean my stories are actually crap and there's no hope for getting better and I should just give up now and keep my day job.  Oh wait, I don't HAVE a day job; or rather, I never gave up my unpaid all-day-and-all-night job.  Or maybe I should just go out and GET another day job.

Blah.

Feeling Needy.

Ohhhh, just wait until I get the rejections back, if you want to see needy!

Blah.

Just last week I had a very challenging morning with Eldest Son, and had a bad-vibe-hangover the whole rest of the day, which wasn't fair to the other little urchins, whose fault it wasn't.  I normally read to soothe myself but they weren't letting me get away with it that morning.  Eventually one went down for a nap and the other was watching a video (value-added mommery, here!) and I curled up in the sunbeam in the front room and started gulping down my favorite genre from my latest issue of Asimov's magazine.

But instead of feeling better, I saw an ad for a 5-week writer's workshop to be held in June in New Hampshire, and I was just consumed, absolutely consumed with envy and despair. 

I know that what I really need is a short intense period of focusing ONLY on my writing (instead of 1 and 2 hours at a time), WITH (and this is key) focused, frequent feedback.  Which is EXACTLY what those writing workshop participants will be getting.  EXACTLY.

And that is so not even remotely possible for me to even consider at this point or for the foreseeable future, that I was just gnashing my teeth and pulling at my hair in despair. 

Go live in New Hampshire for 5 weeks this summer??  -- Yeah, RIGHT.

Pay actual money for room and board and tuition for my writing??  -- Yeah, RIGHT.

Go from a non-wage-earner to an actual expense-incurrer, while expecting my working husband to manage single-daddery for 5 weeks?  And who exactly would be watching the little urchins while he was working -- during the summer, when Eldest Son will be out of school, doubling the challenge??? 

And how could I leave the urchins for 5 weeks, when after I've snatched a break for myself of 3 hours out of the house, my tiniest tot greets my return with such delight and a shout of, "Mommy!  You came back!"  How d'you think he would do if I suddenly disappeared for 5 weeks?  And how about the other two?  When I went to the con last fall and was essentially unavailable for mommy-love for most of Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday, I paid for it with a week of grumpiness from the older two.  They're more subtle now -- they don't try to keep me from leaving like Littlest Brother does, and they cannot specify the source of their grumpiness later -- but it's there.  They still need me, though they're less likely to admit it.   

I thought I could do both.  Why can't I do both?  Be there for them, AND recreate myself?

Blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Especially blah-ful is my knowledge that up until last year there was a speculative-fiction writer's workshop within commuting distance of my home and held on weekends, that had been running for THIRTY YEARS. 

THAT, I could have managed.  I know Dear Husband would have backed me on that one.  The urchins would have gotten used to it, and I would have just taken a deep breath and accepted the pay-back grumpiness. 

But just last year it closed up shop in this area and moved out to San Diego.

Quadruple BLAH.

Feeling all hollow inside. 

Or maybe not hollow so much as filled up with bad stuff.  Neediness, insecurity, fear, jealousy, despair. 

I'm like a cannoli filled with rotten cream. 

Well, maybe it's just February in Michigan. 

That and all this other stuff too.

Here's what I'm going to do in 2008:

(Yoda:  There is no try!  Only do, or do not, there is!)

(Yes, okay, I am taking my inspiration from the words of a little green guy with funny ears who was actually a muppet voiced by the same guy who did Miss Piggy.  So what?  There's so little wisdom in this world of ours, ya gotta take it where you find it!)

So HERE'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, IN 2008!!!!!

- Get something published (no matter how small), for actual money (no matter how paltry), in some publicly-distributed magazine (no matter how obscure).

- Write 15 hours a week -- fiction, not blogging.  Blogging will have to be after that commitment is met.

- Write a minimum of 3500 new words a week during those 15 hours of work -- including the time spent on research and learning the craft.

- Reach my target weight & size

- Dispose of all clothing larger than that size -- gone from my home, nevermore to be seen again on my person!

- Walk a half-marathon

- Walk across the Mackinac Bridge on Labor Day