13 posts tagged “movies”
Thanks to everyone! Your understanding and support are wonderful.
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My problem yesterday was that I was off my guard. I didn't think of the movies as a danger zone.
Some environments and activities, we know they're trouble. Say, shopping at Meijer's -- you could not pay me enough to do grocery shopping with E.S. in tow. (Believe me -- I've tried it before and it's just not worth the mental and emotional anguish.) So we either just don't take him to those, or we're mentally prepared for the Stop-Drop-&-Roll treatment (which in this case means, Stop what you're doing, Drop everything, and Roll on out of there).
But he's gone to countless movies over the past 3 years, and never had a problem before.
Talking it over, D.H. and I think we made several errors in judgment.
(1) We were a little worried about going to a new Pixar movie on opening weekend. In retrospect, we should have listened to that little worry. The theatre was more crowded than they usually are when we go.
(2) We should have picked a row where there was no one in front of us, to be bothered by E.S. fidgets.
(3) One of us should have taken E.S. in hand, quietly, the first time the Guy turned around. We shouldn't have assumed that E.S. would respond appropriately to the Guy's request.
(4) We should have had a little "review" of consideration-for-other-movie-goers ground rules, before we went in. It would have benefited all the kids, really. Often when we go to a public place like this, it helps a lot to have a little chat ahead of time about expected behavior and consequences for misbehavior.
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I think that normally movies aren't a problem for Eldest Son b/c he gets so engrossed in the screen world. I think the problem here stemmed from the fact that the Guy jolted him out of that world with his first request to stop the kicking. Up to that point, I'm quite sure E.S. was not even aware of his swinging legs, or that his feet would bother the Guy.
All of a sudden, he's jolted out of the movie world and criticized for something he didn't even know he was doing. Yes, the Guy was calm-but-firm, polite. I'm still not saying the Guy did anything wrong.
Doesn't matter; E.S. would see it as criticism and suddenly get all anxious and defensive. He was already excited about going to the movie, and whether the excitement is good or bad, they both pile up inside him until he blows his stack.
The rigidity of Asperger's: The harder you push Eldest Son, the harder he digs in his heels. But, faced with an apparently defiant child, an adult's instinct is to push harder, to insist even more firmly that the kid toe the line. But, the harder you push E.S., the harder he digs in his heels. And the harder you want to push him to obey. And the harder he digs in his heels. And...
So when the Guy asked him AGAIN to stop kicking, E.S. dug in his heels harder. And then when D.H. said to him sternly about how he had to move, or leave, he dug in his heels even harder still.
And, because he hadn't MEANT to do any of it and he was now getting worried and anxious about having to leave the movie which he didn't want to miss... BOOM! He couldn't contain his internal pressure, and started howling. Which, of course, led exactly TO the thing he was most afraid of, being taken out and having to miss the rest of it.
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The problem with E.S. is, at the moment when his behavior is the most annoying to those around him, that's when he most needs them to be patient and keep their cool with him. When adults get angry at him, that makes it harder for him to get back on track.
Other kids, you use "The Voice" or give "The Look" that says, "You're treading on thin ice, buster, and you'd better shape up" -- maybe it works. They back down. They bow to the adult's authority and want to avoid making an adult angry with them. They do shape up.
With E.S., it backfires. Believe me. It's the Negative Spiral of Doom, and I've experienced it myself countless times. Even though I KNOW this, sometimes I still can't help getting sucked in.
Signs of adult anger make him anxious. When he gets more anxious, he gets more rigid and obsessive and perseverative. When he gets rigid and obsessive and perseverative, he CAN'T let go of whatever it is. He really, truly CAN'T. No matter how irrational it may be. ("I can't SEE as well from there!" -- 3 seats to the left) You've got to break him out of that negative loop, and you can't do that with an angry voice, because an angry voice just adds to his anxiety, and that just makes him more rigid and obsessive and perseverative, and even LESS able to let go of it, and...
The Negative Spiral of Doom.
The harder you push, the harder he digs in his heels.
What it's kind of like is, well, it's kind of like Windows crashing.
"A Fatal Error Has Been Detected."
Only thing left is to reboot.
With E.S., rebooting requires being removed from the situation.
So, D.H. stepped up and did it.
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Last night as he was getting ready for bed, E.S. asked me to tell him what happened in the rest of the movie (which made me want to cry again).
So I think one of us is going to take him back to try again. Probably D.H., since he missed it too. Just the two of them. When Eldest Son is one on one with an adult, he's much more easy to manage. Plus, we'll keep in mind our 4 lessons learned (above).
Tomorrow we have a big meeting at his school to go over his IEP (Individual Education Plan). This will be a help going into next year. Although, this year's teacher has really been pretty awesome. But we want be sure we capture whatever her magic pixie dust is, and hand it off to next year's teacher. In a bottle with a nice little bow on it.
Phew.
Okay. 'Nuff about this. Let's move on.
Don't ask me why; the kid's been to plenty of movies in theatres before and never had a problem.
Yes, he took all his meds today just fine.
But, just got back from an "Asperger's moment" at a showing of the new Pixar movie "Up," and it's still upsetting me.
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Eldest Son was wiggling. He can't help it; he's fidgety. Apparently he kicked the seat of the guy in front of him; apparently he did it enough to bug the guy. Guy's a grown-up, a dad; his own wife and girl are there too. Daughter seems about the age of Eldest Son.
Guy turns around and says to Eldest Son, politely, "Will you please stop kicking my seat?" And we all think that's the end of it.
('Course not!)
5 minutes later, Guy turns around and says AGAIN to Eldest Son, "Will you PLEASE stop kicking my seat??"
D.H. intervenes, saying strictly to E.S., "You need to move, or else you're leaving."
E.S. goes rigid in his seat and starts to ask loudly, "Why do I have to move?"
I try to play peacemaker, saying, "Just come over here with me" (to where there isn't anyone in front of us) "I'll move too."
E.S.: "NO! I can't SEE as well from there!" (3 seats to the left.)
D.H. (to me): "He has to move, or else he's leaving."
E.S. (bursting into loud, shocking, sobs): "NO! Why do I have to move? I didn't do it!"
But I get him to move. I sit down with him, 3 seats over.
Crisis averted?
Heavens no!
E.S. cannot stop sobbing. Loud, heart-rending sobs. I hiss, "E.S., you HAVE to be quiet, or you will have to leave!"
E.S. (loudly, sobbing): "I WILL be quiet, if you'll just tell me why I had to move!"
Me, whispering: "I'll tell you afterwards, but you need to be quiet, RIGHT NOW!"
E.S. (sobbing): "I CAN'T!"
(It's true, when he gets like this, he can't.)
Me: "Just try! Please! I don't want you to have to--"
Mom from row in front of me gets in my face: "I know he's upset, but my daughters can't hear the movie, and--"
Me: "I understand, but my son has Asperger's, and--"
Other Mom: "I understand, but my daughters--"
D.H. (from further down the row): "He has to leave, now!"
D.H. grabs E.S. and hustles him out.
I slink over to sit between my two normal ("neurotypical" or NT) children for the rest of the movie, weeping -- silently.
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What do you do when you have an eight-year-old who looks like a ten-year-old and talks like a twelve-year-old -- and can't manage himself in a movie theatre as well as his four-year-old brother?
Did the guy in front of us have the right to watch a movie without having his seat kicked? Yes, of course.
Did the mom in front of us have the right for her daughers to watch the movie without being disturbed by my son's howls? Yes, of course.
Did someone have to remove E.S. from the situation until he could calm down? Yes, of course -- and since I didn't do it when it became necessary, D.H. had to.
Was there some way we could have handled the situation so that my eight-year-old child could have seen the rest of the movie just like all the other kids?
What should we have done differently?
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Guy no doubt left the theatre thinking he was in the right, thinking, or perhaps even saying out loud to his fam, "Can you believe that mom wouldn't take that rotten kid out of the movie theatre?"
Guy and Mom in Front of Me were probably congratulating themselves on the calm-but-firm way they stood up for their rights to that over-indulgent mama who was letting her kid get away with murder.
Other parents probably were thinking, "How dare that noisy brat ruin the movie for the rest of us!"
Other parents may have said to their kids later, "No kid of mine's ever gonna behave that way!" (I have had one boy innocently report to me that his parents said that to him, concerning Eldest Son's behavior.)
And they're probably right, none of their kids WILL behave that way, and lucky for them. But instead of patting themselves on the back for what good parents they are, in reality, they need to realize it's because their kids are NT. After all, my NT kids did fine, too.
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Agreed -- Eldest Son had to leave the theatre, at the point where he couldn't keep quiet. I KNOW that when he crosses that line, he really, truly CAN'T help it -- and I should have let D.H. take him out in the first place, before he started howling. Maybe he could have gotten it together in the lobby and come back in.
If an epileptic kid went into seizures in the theatre, they'd take him out -- he can't help it.
If a diabetic kid got low-blood-sugar-y and started to convulse, they'd take him out -- he can't help it.
I should have taken E.S. out myself. I should have let D.H. take him out.
But I didn't want him to miss the movie, either.
I really, really wanted for him to just move to another seat and calm down, and watch the rest of the movie.
He was almost there -- I truly do BELIEVE he was almost there -- when Mom in Front of Me had to stand up for her daughters' rights. (Can I blame her, really? If all my kids were NT, wouldn't I do the same?) But then it was Game Over.
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So, everybody -- can you please have a little more compassion if you see something similar happening?
Do you really believe that a kid that big would behave in such a way as to have to leave a movie he really wanted to see -- if he could help it?
Do you really believe that a parent who cared enough to take all her kids to a movie like that would allow him to behave that way if there weren't extenuating circumstances?
Remember, we paid money for the tickets, too. And 2 of our 5 family members missed half the movie.
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This is our life. Always on edge, never sure when or where, exactly, the explosion will occur -- just knowing that sooner or later, it will. And, when it does, neither we as parents nor our child will be viewed with compassion by those around us, but rather, will be judged. And judged harshly. Will be blamed.
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Dear fellow movie-goers: Y'all had to put up with a couple of minutes of it in the movie theatre, then D.H. obligingly removed the problem from your midst.
We live it.
We eat, sleep, and breathe it. Literally.
Every meal we eat as a family is influenced by Eldest Son's rigidity, his obsessiveness, his socially inappropriate outbursts. Every evening is shaped by his inability to turn off his restless mind and just go to sleep -- like our NT kids do. Every picnic, every party, every school play, every play date (not that there are many of those), every visit to a playground, every family get-together -- we live it.
Waiting for the explosion that, sooner or later, WILL come. We cannot escape it.
Eldest Son lives it too.
Everyone's always mad at him. He's always getting hauled off from one thing or another because of his outbursts.
Do you think he likes that? Do you think that's fun for him?
He lives it too. He can't escape it either.
It's in his head. It's who he is. He can't escape it either.
And doesn't he have rights too?
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So what SHOULD we have done differently? So that Guy's rights and Mom in Front of Me's daughters' rights, AND Eldest Son's rights could have happily coexisted?
Should have hauled him out sooner -- check. But then that might have precipitated the very explosion we were trying to avoid. (Believe me, that's a frequent occurrence.)
Should we have him wear a scarlet A on his head, and explain to everyone around us exactly what it means to be a kid with Asperger's? Or is it none of their stinkin' bidness? Or does it become their bidness when his neurological problems disturb their peace?
(By the way, we've avoided talking to him in terms of the "label." He knows he's different and finds some things hard that come easily to others, but we've never sat him down and said, "You have Asperger's and this is what it means." Maybe we should and we intend to later -- but his therapist agrees that now is not the time, yet. -- He was too wound up to have noticed when I whispered it to Mom in Front of Me.)
In retrospect, I wish I had asked E.S. to sit on my lap or something the first time Guy turned around. But, at that time I already had Littlest Brother on my lap -- he had been burying his face in my shoulder at some scary part, I no longer remember what. So I was preoccupied and didn't pay enough attention to the incident until it was too late.
When your oldest child is a special-needs child, and your younger children are still young enough to be needy, whose needs do you drop? You're juggling these 3 little eggs, which one do you let go splat on the floor?
Today at the movies, it was Eldest Son.
Recent cutenesses from Littlest Brother:
"We've got cwime to fight." Said during a (brief) pause in play with Big Sis, with a serious look and tone, the subtext being, "I don't have time for idle chit-chat, woman!" (that was the part that was cute, obviously, but you'll just have to imagine it)
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"I'm not David, I'm Super DD Boy! And I have TEN superpowers." (Both hands outspread to show how many.)
"Oh, yeah? What are your superpowers?"
"I can't tell you. It's a secwet."
Obviously beyond my clearance level.
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"I'm not David, I'm a tall, daowk stwanger." (Where'd that come from???)
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So, okay, came up with a new concept for my contest story.
Although, I DID in fact manage to cut the other one down to 3500 words (YEAH!) and feel I'm still saying most of what I meant to say. Not sure it's ready yet; think I need to cut more out of my favorite section (snif!) and put in a bit more texture & backstory in a few other places where I cut too deeply. But honestly, I'm really pretty amazed at how well the story survived its crash diet. Hm. There's a lesson there...
But, I think I MAY do better starting with a fresh concept and writing UP TO the 3500-word limit... rather than taking 10 lbs. of s*** and trying to stuff it into a 5-lb. bag.
Or what the heck, maybe I'll finish both and enter both. (This contest, you can enter as many stories as you like, and last year's 1st and 2nd place prizes went to the same author -- not me, as regular blog visitors will recall.)
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Took all the kids to see "Bolt" yesterday at the dollar theatre. (Economies, y'know.) That was a great movie. Highly recommend it to families with young kids. Even Eldest Son the dog-and-all-pets-hater thought it was great. The whole film-within-a-film thing was a bit too confusing for Littlest Brother to sort out, though. But he liked it anyway.
Took Precious Princess to see the local High School Musical of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" today -- she went in her Belle dress. Kids in costumes got a goody bag, a pleasant surprise. She was great, and the performances were great -- especially the girl who played Belle. (Though Beast, Gaston, LeFou, and Lumiere were no slouches either.) Tell you what, that girl has a mega future in musical theatre, should she desire it. MEGA. Her voice is strong, sweet, and crystal clear, throughout her whole range. And she has a great range. She didn't miss a single note, not even a tiny bit off pitch, and never flubbed a line either. (Believe me, the musical is close enough to the DVD that we'd have known if she did.) She had great stage presence and her emotive performance was flawless too. Her look and hair were perfect for Belle, too. It was almost scary. (And the weirdest thing is, she's also my mother-in-law's piano student. small town life, heh.)
Precious Princess, and all the little kids, were welcomed up on stage afterward to meet the cast and check out the set, which rocked. She totally dug it. Now she wants to take acting lessons. Hm. Well -- why not? We've got the summer coming up, and she could take acting lessons then if she still wants to. (She's definitely been a drama queen around here lately, I'll tellya...)
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ANND, Eldest Son has his concept for his science fair project down. Now just have to fill in the entry form, and get the boy some library books... Volcanos, and not just any volcanos, but (1) Mount Vesuvius & the destruction of Pompeii, (2) Krakatoa, the explosion heard round the world, and (3) the Yellowstone Supervolcano, which is overdue for a major blow-out, just FYI.
(Yeah, that whole bad economy thing? Auto industry going belly up, yada yada? Terrorism, even? Octomom? Eh -- may not need to worry about it. Sometime between now and 10,000 years from now, the Yosemite Supervolcano is going to cover the western United States in dust and ash, and destroy Western Civilization, possibly human life on Earth. And just because we'd LIKE to believe it will be at the far end of the scale, that doesn't MEAN it couldn't be tomorrow.)
(And you people say we don't need to colonize the Moon! Sheesh! Where ELSE are the people going to come from who repopulate the Earth after it's wiped clean???)
Okay, where was I? Oh yeah. Science fair project. Got a concept. Just need to execute.
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On to the next week! Hyah! *crack*
Okay, this 'n' that...
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"It's the MOST-- WON-derful TIME-- of the YEEAARR!!"
The children have commenced the barfing season. So far the bug that Eldest Son and Precious Princess have sequentially fought off has been minor, by the vomiting standards of our house. E.S. didn't even actually throw up, and Pr.Pr. only did it once. Well, let's knock on wood about this one...
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"More Fun Than Getting Poked in the Arm with a Sharp Stick"
Everybody's had their flu shot by now. The children were very brave; we were proud of them.
It's a particularly trying activity for Eldest Son -- Mr. High-Strung. However, this year, with the promise of 20 points in Behavior Football for not putting up a fuss during the flu shot (normally he gets rewards of 2, 3, or 6 points for a given positive behavior -- Field Goal, Touchdown, or Extra Points), PLUS the additional bribe of Starbursts for all if they were brave, he shed only a few tears and made very little noise. Pr.Pr. and Littlest Brother, as usual, just sat still and didn't even move.
The arm soreness lastest longer on this one than in past years -- couple days, whereas I don't remember having any lingering soreness in the past. Hm.
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"Beats The Alternative"
Birthday, birthday, who's had a birthday? Why, that'd be... me! I'm still not 40, but getting closer. My hair is definitely going gray, and I can no longer deny the wrinkles.
(PLUS I still get zits! How totally unfair is that??? Wrinkles AND zits???)
Bah.
Humbug.
Did go out to eat tonight, AND saw a movie.
So did get some good out of it.
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"These Books Were Made Fer Walkin'"
Welp, got my treadmill! Saved 900 bucks -- yeah! It was an old model, the manufacturer has come out with a new model, and the price for this one was knocked down from 1600 to 700!! She shoots-- She SCORES! Woot!
I've already been walking on it. (Dang, that's boring...)
I need someone to invent a device where you pop an actual paper book in, and it reads the book aloud to you.
I would use it EVERY DAY. For those times when you have to be using your hands for something else (dishes; folding laundry), or like when you need your visual attention to be elsewhere (driving). Or when you're walking on your treadmill and it's just not as comfortable to try and hold the book steady and read while you walk.
Most of the books I love don't come in audiobook format. Plus, sometimes I'm in the middle of one and I'd like to just have the book-reading device start where I left off.
Will one of you electronics geniuses out there get right on that, please???
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"With a Name Like That, He's Gotta Be Good"
Shia LeBeouf.
Shia LeBeouf, Shia LeBeouf, Shia LeBeouf.
Ugh.
Honestly, ya know the kid's gotta be pretty darned talented if he can become a movie star with a name like that.
An Action-Adventure Movie Star, no less.
You'd think an Action-Adventure Movie Star would have a MANLY name. Y'know, like... Bruce. Vin. Will. Harrison. (Okay, I confess that Harrison by itself does sound a bit effete, but you couple that with the solid, emphatic, single-syllable Ford, and you've got a manly name.)
Yes, and not ONLY is he burdened with a sissy name, but he's playing against physical type, too. I mean he's not this big hulking muscle-y, stern-visaged, lantern-jawed hunk. He's only 5'10", seems kinda skinny, and has more nose than jaw. Plus, the scraggly facial hair -- Shia, it's just got to go.
But, he's growing on me.
Just got back from seeing "Eagle Eye," Shia's latest star turn. It's a fast-paced pyrotechnic wonder that appears to be the love-child of "I, Robot" and "Enemy of the State," except with Shia instead of Will. Well, and without the androids too, but that just makes it scarier, really.
(Oh, Will! You really are my current favorite movie star, y'know. I adored you in "Hancock" and felt you really carried "I Am Legend" -- y'know? Course, you were the only human in it for most of the film; but, still. Man, you kicked some serious zombie-vampire butt, AND you had me just about in tears when the dog... Well, I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. Will, you had me at "Independence Day" and "Men in Black" just sealed the deal. And you beefcaked it up for "I, Robot" -- don't try to deny it! But enough about you, Will -- this little blurb is about Shia.)
Shia. What a sissy name. It even starts with "She" and ends with "ah" -- which, as we all know, in all Romance languages, denotes a feminine noun or name.
Sorry, sorry, got off track. Just can't get past that name.
But, you know, he really is growing on me. I thought he held his own in "Indy 4" -- much to my surprise -- and in "Eagle Eye" he is terrific. He's got range -- dead-end nebbish, black sheep of family, befuddled innocent, unlikely hero, tough guy, romantic lead, surrogate father -- he held me spellbound through all of them. And he even, in the extremely few moments where his character's identical twin makes an appearance, managed to entirely differentiate between the two -- a completely different character, revealed in the briefest of glimpses.
Apparently this is his first time out as "adult male lead" -- and given that it's only PG-13, he didn't get much, well, you know, action. Well, he's young yet. Tonsil-hockey clinches will arrive in due time, one supposes. (After all, it's not like Han got much lovin' in the first "Star Wars"...)
But, I must say -- never mind. (spoiler alert.) Well, I'll just say that these movies about how the misuse of our connectivity tech will destroy us all -- have they never heard of a little thing called "Windows"? Man, my computer can't run two websites and a calculator without crashing! Tell you, that was the only thing that interfered with my willing suspension of disbelief regarding this flick.
Shia, dear boy, best of luck to you. May you be the rare child star who makes the successful transition to fully adult roles, without self-destructivizing along the way. And, may your future roles be written so as to allow you to shave, and to actually kiss the girl on the lips at the end. Mazel tov.
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Cheers, all.
Just got back from seeing THIS movie:
And much to my amazement, given that I've read mixed reviews of this film, I loved it! It was great fun, and every bit as good as Indiana Jones 1 and 3. In my humble opinion.
Harrison Ford pulled off a 20-years-older Indy just fine. He's still got it. (At least when fully dressed -- I noticed there were no shirtless scenes in this one.) He put in a rousing performance -- definitely wasn't phoning it in like Tommy Lee Jones did in "Men In Black II." (Which was a movie I really, really WANTED to like, a whole lot more than I actually DID like it.)
What's-her-name, the one who played Marion Ravenwood in the first film and is back for a 20-years-older reprise of the Marion role in this film, is WAY, WAY LESS IRRITATING in the current flick. Downright bearable, even. Eh -- twenty years seemed to have mellowed her character out some. That, and single motherhood (in the movie).
And, I am astounded to report (I, for whom Indiana Jones and Han Solo were the sardonic swashbuckling heroes of my formative years -- everything a man ought to be ) that Shia LeBoeuf (despite his sissy name and pretty-boy good looks) turned out to be able to hold his own in this film. Astounded, I was. His first scene in the film didn't impress me (seemed quite the lightweight), but he got better as he went along. And, I was looking for a reason to detest him, to sniff that he was not up to snuff as the heir-apparent to the Indy franchise. But, he surprised me.
Y'see, I'm at the age where the heroes of my youth are moving off the stage. Replaced by someone younger. This is a very weird time for me. When the movie heroes start looking younger than me.
And we can't go home again. We can't go back to our childhoods and relive those original heroic fantasies as if for the first time.
That's what we want to do. That's what we're secretly yearning for, there in the dark theater. Make me believe, we whisper in our secret hearts. Make me feel ten years old again, wide-eyed in hero-worship. Make me believe the good guys can win, armed primarily with a battered fedora and a lopsided grin.
And, for me at least, this one worked, far better than, say, the Star Wars prequels did.
I'm still not ten years old again. But it was fun.
The answer to yesterday's movie-trivia question is...
Drum roll please...
"Captain Ron"!
Possibly one of the funniest movies, EVER.
But, strangely enough, only people who like to sail seem to "get" this movie.
If you dig sailing -- especially, long-distance cruising -- and you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it.
My family (the one I was born to, not my own little urchins) used to watch this movie together every time we got together. We know all the lines. And I mean ALL the lines.
And really, the lines in this movie can be applied to, pretty much, any life situation you might find yourself in.
"Anything's gonna happen, it's gonna happen out there."
"Ah, they'll get out of your way, Boss, they always do. --Learned that driving the Saratoga."
"Oh, incentives are important. --Learned that in rehab."
"That's okay, Boss, it could happen to anybody."
"--A sixty-four page instruction manual. I've read the entire thing. Have you?"
"Stay on the path, Boss, there's g'rillas in the woods."
"GER... GOR... HUGE difference!"
"It's this total macho trip, Dad, just ignore it."
"You don't understand -- he's EATING my BRAIN!"
"We were worried sick about you, the whole time we were in jail!"
ANYWAY.
The line referenced yesterday was preceded by this:
Family of four, enduring a Chicago winter. The father just got word that he inherited a boat from his crazy uncle. It is presently located at a Caribbean island nobody's ever heard of, Saint Pomme-de-Terre. ("Honey, it means Saint Potato." "No it doesn't." "Yes it does, it means Saint Potato!") The father is trying to convince the mother that it would be a great family adventure to fly down to Saint Pomme-de-Terre and sail the boat up to Miami themselves and sell it there. He thinks this will be a fabulous bonding experience and important enough to take their kids out of school. The eight-year-old son is hopping about trying to help his father win this argument.
The mother puts her foot down.
"There is NOTHING that ANYBODY could say, that would convince me to DROP EVERYTHING and fly off to someplace halfway around the world that nobody's ever even HEARD of!!!"
Enter sixteen-year-old daughter in black leather jacket and mini-skirt, grungy pin-studded stubbly boyfriend in tow.
"You guys, GUESS WHAT??" she burbles. Thrusting her hand out to show a ring, she gushes, "We got engaged!"
Utterly unsavory boyfriend drapes his arm around the daughter's shoulders, and addresses the parents in a monotone and total deadpan: "Yo, Mom; Dad."
CUT TO: Family standing on rickety dock, somewhere in the Caribbean. Daughter obstinately still wearing her black leather jacket, fanning herself.
Well, I guess you had to see it, but trust me, it's funny.
:-)
The following is the line which provides the motivation for the entire rest of the film.
Without this line, there would BE no film:
"Yo, Mom; Dad."
QUICK!!! NAME THAT MOVIE!!!
(And Tom, you're not eligible to enter.)
:-)
Just got back from seeing THIS movie, at my church.
It may seem an odd choice to show at church.
I was distinctly skeptical myself before I saw this movie -- being so fashion-forward like I am. (<<== sarcasm)
But actually, this was a really excellent film -- yet another one to add to my recent list of really excellent grown-up movies that I've been able to catch up on lately.
This was part of a once-a-month thing our associate pastor, Cathi, came up with for women's ministry. This is the third one so far. The guidelines for movies to be shown at Chicks & Flicks (this program) are: (a) Must have a strong woman character or characters, (b) must provide some meaty topics to chew over at a discussion afterward, regarding how to live one's faith in present-day society, and (c) should be somewhat illustrative of present-day society (i.e., not a Jane Austen period costume extravaganza).
In fact, this movie achieved all three of those goals, and then some.
This movie was about the fashion industry, sort of -- an industry which I do not understand and which I do not aspire to understand. But actually, it could have been about any industry, anywhere; only, if it had been about auto industry executives in suburban Detroit, it would certainly have been a lot less glamorous.
It was actually about how the choice you make when you don't think you have a choice can take you down a path you didn't intend to be on. About how you are ultimately responsible for the choices you make, and the impacts of those choices on your relationships. About how, at the end of the day, your relationships are what really matter. About how you need to choose carefully whose approval you seek, whose example you choose to emulate.
About how, even though it takes a lot of courage to succeed, it sometimes can take even more courage to quit -- when you realize you're on the wrong path. To quit, and seek a better path.
I saw myself, in that movie -- more than a little bit. On a much smaller (and saner) scale, that was me -- in the auto industry. More times than I can count, I was the one calling home to say, no, I wasn't going to be home at such-n-such a time after all -- something came up that HAD to be done NOW. On occasion -- not every week, but certainly more times than I'm happy about recalling now -- I worked until midnight, two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning. I travelled a lot, I missed this holiday, I cut that vacation short, I missed this event and that event, even when I had already bought tickets and prepaid, even a wedding anniversary or two; my personal life went on without me.
My husband was very patient.
NO, my boss wasn't calling me at 11:00 at night or 6:30 in the morning to demand this or that ridiculous thing, like Miranda did to Andy in the movie. MOST of the latest nights I worked were while I was ON business trips, not at the home office. So when I WAS home, I tended to work more normal business hours. Some weekends, yeah; some evenings to 7 or 8 or 9 at night. But most of the time when I was in town, I could leave by 5:30 or 6.
This was fine until we had kids. My husband was very patient.
He knew this about me -- that I hated to fail, that I was driven to succeed, to make it perfect, the best it could be, to please my boss and our internal clients. My husband knew this about me, and didn't ask me to be any different. He never really guilt-tripped me, or pressured me to come home when I made those calls.
He's a grown-up. I'm a grown-up. If I missed his birthday, or my birthday, or our wedding anniversary -- whatever. We could deal with it, go out the next weekend instead.
But.
But.
What the heck was it all FOR?
Does anyone there now remember that time I got up after 2 hours of sleep and made a presentation of preliminary findings to a big-shot executive who'd flown out to our field location? Did it actually make any difference to that executive's business decisions? How about the time when I seriously thought I was going to die on Air India when the pilot missed the Hyderabad runway on the first pass and had to circle around again? (Well -- probably the supplier who was on the plane with me still remembers that!)
You become what you spend the most time doing.
As Andy's boyfriend Nate said in the movie, "The person whose calls you always take -- that's who you're in a relationship with."
So, whose calls do I always take now?
Littlest Brother's in the middle of the night. Any of the kids if they get hurt. Any of the kids if they're fighting amongst themselves. Okay, I like it that way. Can't think of anyone else with a better claim to call on me.
Basically, I'm being a mom now the same way I had been a market researcher before.
I never thought of it that way before watching this movie tonight, but that's my new profession.
Now, I give up dinners, weekends away, a good night's sleep, etc., etc., because my kids get sick. It used to be, because such-n-such executive pulled a last-minute switch in the project plans.
Weirdly enough, thinking of it that way makes me feel better about it. Less trapped, when it happens. Fact is, it always happened; just for different reasons, before.
My time was never my own. I just thought it was.
Hm.
Now about the PAY, in this current profession of mine...
And the performance reviews. How do you know whether or not you've done a good job, until it's too late to fix it if you haven't? Where's the boss I can figure out how to keep happy?
Yikes.
No wonder it feels so hard!
Watched this movie too, while we were up north. Eldest Son watched it too, enjoyed it immensely.
This movie was perhaps equally good in its own way, compared to "Dreamgirls". Completely different beast, but equally good. Well, maybe not quite. But close. I could definitely stand to have the kids watch this one on DVD, over and over and OVER again.
Okay, I know I'm late off the mark with this one, but what can I say? I don't get out much -- not without the kids at least. Most movies I've seen in the past five years have been animated films, watched on DVD -- over and over and OVER again. Not that I mind, much -- Thank You, Pixar!
But, my Mom made me watch this movie the other day, and I'm really glad she did. Normally it's my dad who drives movie selections when we're visiting -- it's his profession, after all -- and it was unusual for my mom to be so insistent that I HAD to watch this movie with her. Not that she's exactly shy on most other topics -- those of you who know her will attest -- but in this particular area it's usually my dad who's the driving force.
So, watch it we did.
And. It. Was. FABULOUS.
I laughed. I cried. I fell in love. I fell in hate. I was educated, I was entertained, the music was phenomenal (I want the soundtrack) and there were too many wonderful performances to list. Star-studded cast, all of whom were absolutely at the top of their game.
I'm still thinking about it, days later -- and when that happens with a book or a movie, I know it's a good one.
Hopes. Dreams. Aspirations. Love. Betrayal. Redemption.
Utterly gorgeous.
If you haven't yet seen this movie (and I know, I know, I'm the only one in the world who hasn't), PLEASE. Do yourself a favor and beg, borrow, or steal (well, okay, don't steal -- we want to protect the intellectual property rights of the world, don't we?) a copy of this movie and WATCH IT.
