8 posts tagged “lessons learned”
Thanks to everyone! Your understanding and support are wonderful.
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My problem yesterday was that I was off my guard. I didn't think of the movies as a danger zone.
Some environments and activities, we know they're trouble. Say, shopping at Meijer's -- you could not pay me enough to do grocery shopping with E.S. in tow. (Believe me -- I've tried it before and it's just not worth the mental and emotional anguish.) So we either just don't take him to those, or we're mentally prepared for the Stop-Drop-&-Roll treatment (which in this case means, Stop what you're doing, Drop everything, and Roll on out of there).
But he's gone to countless movies over the past 3 years, and never had a problem before.
Talking it over, D.H. and I think we made several errors in judgment.
(1) We were a little worried about going to a new Pixar movie on opening weekend. In retrospect, we should have listened to that little worry. The theatre was more crowded than they usually are when we go.
(2) We should have picked a row where there was no one in front of us, to be bothered by E.S. fidgets.
(3) One of us should have taken E.S. in hand, quietly, the first time the Guy turned around. We shouldn't have assumed that E.S. would respond appropriately to the Guy's request.
(4) We should have had a little "review" of consideration-for-other-movie-goers ground rules, before we went in. It would have benefited all the kids, really. Often when we go to a public place like this, it helps a lot to have a little chat ahead of time about expected behavior and consequences for misbehavior.
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I think that normally movies aren't a problem for Eldest Son b/c he gets so engrossed in the screen world. I think the problem here stemmed from the fact that the Guy jolted him out of that world with his first request to stop the kicking. Up to that point, I'm quite sure E.S. was not even aware of his swinging legs, or that his feet would bother the Guy.
All of a sudden, he's jolted out of the movie world and criticized for something he didn't even know he was doing. Yes, the Guy was calm-but-firm, polite. I'm still not saying the Guy did anything wrong.
Doesn't matter; E.S. would see it as criticism and suddenly get all anxious and defensive. He was already excited about going to the movie, and whether the excitement is good or bad, they both pile up inside him until he blows his stack.
The rigidity of Asperger's: The harder you push Eldest Son, the harder he digs in his heels. But, faced with an apparently defiant child, an adult's instinct is to push harder, to insist even more firmly that the kid toe the line. But, the harder you push E.S., the harder he digs in his heels. And the harder you want to push him to obey. And the harder he digs in his heels. And...
So when the Guy asked him AGAIN to stop kicking, E.S. dug in his heels harder. And then when D.H. said to him sternly about how he had to move, or leave, he dug in his heels even harder still.
And, because he hadn't MEANT to do any of it and he was now getting worried and anxious about having to leave the movie which he didn't want to miss... BOOM! He couldn't contain his internal pressure, and started howling. Which, of course, led exactly TO the thing he was most afraid of, being taken out and having to miss the rest of it.
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The problem with E.S. is, at the moment when his behavior is the most annoying to those around him, that's when he most needs them to be patient and keep their cool with him. When adults get angry at him, that makes it harder for him to get back on track.
Other kids, you use "The Voice" or give "The Look" that says, "You're treading on thin ice, buster, and you'd better shape up" -- maybe it works. They back down. They bow to the adult's authority and want to avoid making an adult angry with them. They do shape up.
With E.S., it backfires. Believe me. It's the Negative Spiral of Doom, and I've experienced it myself countless times. Even though I KNOW this, sometimes I still can't help getting sucked in.
Signs of adult anger make him anxious. When he gets more anxious, he gets more rigid and obsessive and perseverative. When he gets rigid and obsessive and perseverative, he CAN'T let go of whatever it is. He really, truly CAN'T. No matter how irrational it may be. ("I can't SEE as well from there!" -- 3 seats to the left) You've got to break him out of that negative loop, and you can't do that with an angry voice, because an angry voice just adds to his anxiety, and that just makes him more rigid and obsessive and perseverative, and even LESS able to let go of it, and...
The Negative Spiral of Doom.
The harder you push, the harder he digs in his heels.
What it's kind of like is, well, it's kind of like Windows crashing.
"A Fatal Error Has Been Detected."
Only thing left is to reboot.
With E.S., rebooting requires being removed from the situation.
So, D.H. stepped up and did it.
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Last night as he was getting ready for bed, E.S. asked me to tell him what happened in the rest of the movie (which made me want to cry again).
So I think one of us is going to take him back to try again. Probably D.H., since he missed it too. Just the two of them. When Eldest Son is one on one with an adult, he's much more easy to manage. Plus, we'll keep in mind our 4 lessons learned (above).
Tomorrow we have a big meeting at his school to go over his IEP (Individual Education Plan). This will be a help going into next year. Although, this year's teacher has really been pretty awesome. But we want be sure we capture whatever her magic pixie dust is, and hand it off to next year's teacher. In a bottle with a nice little bow on it.
Phew.
Okay. 'Nuff about this. Let's move on.
One of my ConClave writing buddies has directed the rest of us to this fabulously informative source, Jim Butcher.
I've read through his advice, and using it as a guide, have begun to develop a worksheet for myself to use in re-approaching my novel. (Consider this my acknowledgement of source.)
I did a lot of this last night, actually, and was struck by a thought. I rubbed my head and went, "Ow! Where'd that come from???" and then went, "Oh. That's a good kind of hurt."
Here it is:
Every profession has its rules, its jargon, its tried and true methods for success.
Every profession can spot an amateur coming from a mile away by their ignorance of these rules.
Writing is no different.
I used to be a market researcher. I was good at it. I got to know -- still do know, actually, now that I'm raking through these memories -- the professional standards of my work, the bare minimum any supplier who came to me, hat in hand, should meet to be even considered for a job. All those little rules, all those little techniques:
- What's a response rate, and why you should care;
- Why call-backs and reminder postcards are important;
- Why you want a big sample size, how big is "Big" when it comes to sample size, and why size alone is not enough to ensure a given sample is representative;
- When and why you should insist on 100% data entry verification;
- The difference between ordinal, interval, and ratio scales, and under what circumstances each of them would be preferable to the others;
- When you should use a balanced or an unbalanced scale, and why;
- When you should use forced ranking instead of rating, and why;
- Why spending $30,000 on focus groups may actually be a BIGGER waste of money than spending $50,000 on a mail survey;
- ... and many, many others too numerous to mention.
I can always tell when I get a survey in the mail that was designed internally by some company or other in order to "save a few bucks" by not hiring a qualified research company. In fact, they worse than wasted their money... because not only will their laughably inappropriate survey instrument NOT give them the answer they need... Even worse, it will give them AN answer, it just may not mean what they think it means. And they're going to make decisions worth HOW many millions on this flawed data? I'm always tempted to circle the mistakes in red and send it back, but I never do. They probably wouldn't appreciate that, I figure.
*****
Writing is a profession no less than market research. And, like market research, continually underestimated by people outside of it, who all think, "What's so hard about that? I could do that!"
And a professional editor can spot an amateur writer a mile away, from his or her ignorance of the most basic writerly "rules."
It's those rules that are so hard to pick up as an auto-didact. But, thanks to the kindness of various web-friends, I think I have a chance of learning them. (I extend my hearty appreciation to you if you're one of them -- and you know who you are!)
Cheers, all!
#1: Just Do It.
Quit yappin' about it, dreaming about it, wondering if you'll ever be good enough to actually do it... and DO it!
('S the only way to get better.)
#2: But do SOME prep work first.
Next year, when I do it again, I'm going to spend September and October whipping my outline into shape: What I want to achieve in each chapter, in terms of introducing characters, the dilemma they face, what they learn, how they develop... and oh yeah, how the plot moves forward.
#3: Make Conscious Choices on Point-Of-View: It's Crucial.
Probably the technical aspect of the writer's craft where I most need to develop my judgment is POV. Next time I do this, I'm going to spend a LOT more effort ahead of time, during the outlining process, planning out my POV.
From whose perspective should most of the story be written? Should I EVER show a scene which that character doesn't witness? To what purpose? And, if so, what alternate perspectives should I use? And why?
C.J. Cherryh, for one, in her "Foreigner" series, uses a 3rd person that is so deeply linked to her protagonist (Bren) that it FEELS like 1st person. She never shows a scene which Bren doesn't personally witness. You, the reader, NEVER know anything Bren doesn't know. Even what he witnesses, he interprets in the light of his own preconceptions -- sometimes wildly inaccurately. When other characters go off on mysterious errands, you, the reader, NEVER find out where they've been or what they've been up to until Bren does.
This gives the story a kind of breathless off-balance feel where you constantly feel like you don't understand what the heck is going on -- because Bren doesn't -- and you HAVE to keep reading so you can figure it all out at the end. It gives it momentum, like a runner leaning forward for the finish line.
Lois McMaster Bujold, however, does switch POV characters during a story. She does show things happening "off-stage" from her protag's action. This is usually when she's got more than one main character. For example: "Mirror Dance," in which Mark truly begins to develop a persona separate from wanna-be-Miles. Couldn't really show this unless half the book was written from Mark's perspective, not Miles's. (Also b/c Miles was technically dead during much of the book -- and the Vorkosigan universe is not a ghost-inhabited one -- making it rather difficult to show things from his perspective. Awfully boring, the inside of a cryopreservation tank, even if he had been conscious within it, which he wasn't.)
Or in "Komarr," where she wants to teach us something about Miles that he can't see for himself -- precisely BECAUSE it's a point of faulty self-perception -- she shows it through Ekaterin's eyes, watching Miles and speculating about him.
But the point is she makes these switches in a disciplined way, not just bouncing from person to person for no good reason.
#4: Slow Down.
A little. Only a little. Maybe 40,000 words in a month instead of 50,000. Give yourself a LITTLE time to add in some of those artistic details and fix a few of the more awfully awkward sentences. Bring down the wordcount average from 900 per hour to, say, 700 per hour -- editing time included.
#5: But Don't Slow Down Too Much.
Don't get so hung up on perfecting what you've already written that you fail to make forward progress in word count.
It will never be perfect at the end of the first draft! So stop trying to make it perfect.
It will never be perfect until someone else has read it and given you honest feedback about what is unclear, what is slow-moving, what characters feel wooden, what holes there are in the plot. Several somebodies, if you can drag them into it.
So your goal with the first draft is NOT to make it perfect, but just to make it to the point where you aren't ashamed for someone else to read it and give you that feedback, which is what WILL make it perfect.
#6: I Need Deadlines.
Even self-imposed ones. Which is all NaNoWriMo really is. Self-imposed deadline, and a nice friendly cheerleading squad to help keep you motivated to achieve it.
As I told various people about this over the past few weeks, many of them would look at me quizzically and say, "But what do you GET for it?" And I would have to say, "I just get to know that I did it." And they'd be like, "Oka-a-ay..."
Don't know why, the deadline spurred me on.
I've always done my best work under pressure, actually.
So I need to think of a new way to impose deadlines on myself.
*****
So that's it.
I've been thinking of adding to my self-descriptors, "Unpublished Novelist." ;-)
But, I think I'll wait until I've gotten this novel at least to first-draft stage.
50,000 words or not, it's still at a very rough-draft stage. Not even what I would consider a good first draft.
I don't think I can call myself a "Novelist," Unpublished or otherwise, until I have a novel that I'm not ashamed to wave under the nose of anyone who challenges me on the title!
*****
Thanks, everybody, for your unwavering support and enthusiasm!
It really means a lot to me!
- C (Author-In-Training)
In honor of which, I get to display THIS lovely sticker:
Final word count as of 10:00 PM on Tuesday, November 27, 2007:
50,157
And I even got my protag where she needed to go!
I'm so proud!
But you wanna know the funny thing?
Now that I've actually "done it" -- I don't want to BE done with it!
I'm on fire to go back and FIX it all!
Go back and outline what I've already got, then work out the character arcs and subplots and so on that I WISH it had, and then write a new outline to get me there, and then keep cranking it out!
AAAaaahhh!
I'm addicted!!!
Hey, sorry for the lack of updates. (Yeah, I know, you're waiting with bated breath, right? ;-) )
Think I mentioned I was traveling for Thanksgiving, and the destination would not have internet access.
Sure enough, that was good for the word count.
Cracked 43,000 last night!
Only 7,000 to go!
Wow.
I'm sitting here going, how did that happen already? I didn't entirely believe I would get this close to the goal, close enough that I could almost taste it already.
Unless I keel over dead before then, I'm pretty sure I can make it by midnight this Friday! And I'm feeling quite healthy right now. After all, I got my flu shot, and a mere cold ain't gonna stop me!
Thing is, I'm not sure I can get my people where I need them to go in a mere 7,000 words. But hey, just 'cause I get to 50K doesn't mean I have to stop, right?
Okay, cheers, everybody!
Getting back on the homestretch now!
Crossed 30,000 today... and still have at least an hour to work on it now that the kids have gone to bed.
Yeah, baby! Over the hump.
It's starting to feel fun again.
Plus, I've given my protag more to do, and that's satisfying.
"Only" 20,000 more words to go... and you know what? The great thing is, having pumped out 30,000 (at least marginally) coherent words in a row, 20,000 now really does seem like an "only" kind of number.
What a fabulous feeling THAT is!
(And I feel quite confident in saying that they are all correctly spelled, too!)
Is it great art, the kind I yearned to create, the kind that will outlive me? The kind that deals with deep themes of the human heart in a subtle yet powerful way? The kind that you can't put down until you have devoured it, or the kind that moves you to tears as you read it? Or -- still more rare -- both?
Welllll... No.
But that doesn't detract from the accomplishment that it IS. And it is something. WILL be something, when I hit 50K.
(And yes, great art does exist in speculative fiction. Asimov, Heinlein, Bradbury, L'Engle, Tolkien, Lewis -- all engendered fame that outlived them and are still widely read to this day, and I'm sure there are others. Movies are still being made "based on" their classic oevre -- or should that be oevres? -- and widely viewed & enjoyed.)
There will still be A LOT of work to do on this thing even once I hit 50,000. And it may always look like a "first novel." But you gotta start somewhere.
It's a little early to be looking around for my first Hugo!
(But may I at least possess the optimism of changing that "No" to, "Not yet"?)
:-)
20,000 down, 30,000 to go.
40% along.
Of course, today marks the midpoint of November, so I really *should* have reached between 25,000 and 30,000 by now. But, I did start six days late, so my own personal midpoint is 2-3 days from now. So no sweat.
I seem to need a day each week when I just *pretend* to write, and veg instead. That day was yesterday, this week.
Yesterday all I did was alphabetize my names list (yes, really!). Female first names. Male first names. Last names. Yes, and then I added to the list, made sure I had all my bases covered. First names that could be last names, and vice versa. Names that could be, or have been, applied to both male and female. Female "virtue" names. Female "flower" names. Biblical names, both male and female. Occupational surnames. Names by culture or nation of origin. Trendy names. Classic names.
You name it. :-) (sorry)
The next thing I did was to slap together first and last names into whole identities, so I have a few handy for when a new character saunters in.
So, having achieved all this *really important* work, I went to bed. Word-count for yesterday: ZERO.
(Good gravy, girl!)
Then today I gave in to the urge to edit. But only a little.
I had been thinking that certain scenes really should come before certain others. Certain scenes would go better if a different character was the main focus. And then my "real" protagonist has done nearly nothing in almost 20,000 words. So I'm going to have to beef up her role, clearly.
Mostly my edits took the form of FIND:NAME, REPLACE WITH:DIFFERENT NAME, and notes to self in ALL CAPS about how to rewrite the sections that need rewriting, when the time comes.
So I didn't REALLY do much editing. Not REALLY.
I honestly think that, while a big part of the editing will be to cut out chunks that turn out to be unnecessary, my word-count may ultimately double by the time I'm done editing. What I need to go back in and add are...
- Fleshing-out of characters, both physical descriptor "tags" and personality quirks;
- Expansions of conversations that are really too abrupt right now, and ensuring that each "voice" in the dialogue is consistent with the character & sufficiently differentiated from others;
- Transformation of exposition into dialogue and/or "showing, not telling" type writing;
- Location descriptors; it's all fairly clear in my mind, but undoubtedly would be murky to anyone else just now. Given that I'm creating an entire planet and ecosystem, well -- gonna have to make it live for the reader.
Right now it's really just bare bones, where the story needs to go. But it is extremely rough in form. EXTREMELY.
I think in future it will probably serve me better to go back to editing as I go along. But I have developed a new appreciation for the value of banging it out. I need to continue giving myself the permission to just bang it out, and still spend the majority of my time doing that until the first draft is done; but still do a little of this "organizational" type editing every day, cleaning up the stuff that was banged out the day before.
So in other words, I don't think the pure "WriMo" approach will be my long-term MO, going forward; but I still think I'm getting a lot out of it.
And still having fun.
Gonna crank up the word-count tonight, once the kids are in bed.
Yee-haw!!
... Knowing Where to Start.
The second-hardest is knowing where to stop.
:-)
No, I'm not kidding.
I've come to this realization after getting some very valuable feedback on a couple of my stories.
Of the first 3 stories that I've been shipping around to publications, I've realized lately that 2 of them end at what should be the beginning. Those are the two that I thought I gave nice twisty endings to, but it turns out in each case that the twist is more intriguing than the story that led up to it.
In neither case am I willing to invest the time right now to start from the twist and build a whole new story, so I'm going to give them a rest and not send them out any more. Maybe someday I'll get back to them with that in mind.
What I'll do instead is try to apply this lesson to the stories I'm working on now.
I've learned that one of my strengths as a writer is in world-building. I'm not too bad at characterization and dialogue, either. But none of those things is worth a hill of beans unless they're used in service of drama -- a situation in which the characters have a knotty problem to solve. Or decision to make. The story of mine that's had the best feedback so far has been the one in which the world-building was sketchy, but the two main characters have a major conflict with each other, where what each wants or needs is mutually exclusive and one of them will have to give. It's that conflict, I realize, that makes it interesting to the people who've responded positively to it.
One of my friends has a friend who likes to write in the romance genre. Not my genre, but what she said her friend said can still apply. (I don't know the name of the friend of my friend, or I'd attribute this little gem to the source.) In romance (the friend said), there has to be conflict. Ideally, conflict on 3 levels: Each main character has to be conflicted within him- or herself; and there has to be conflict between the two of them vs.each other; and finally there has to be conflict between the two of them together vs. the rest of the world. When a romance piece has each of these three elements, that's when it really clicks.
I really thought that was a wonderful piece of advice, even though I don't write romance. The 3 levels of conflict don't have to be romantic in nature, and in my stories they aren't -- although they could be. In my genre there's room for romantic threads in the narrative, although that doesn't tend to be the main focus. But the main lesson here is that I need to closely examine each of my stories once I think they're done, and see if they contain each of these 3 levels of conflict in some form. And if not -- it's not done yet.
It's kind of a pain, being an auto-didact. You have to glean little nuggets of wisdom here and there, where you find them. You don't receive them from on high in convenient bullet points. You don't have the deadlines of coursework to spur your work along. You don't have a mentor guiding you (or goading you) to reach higher, to dig deeper, and giving you hints on how.
On the other hand, it's free.
But I still think I can learn to do this.
