22 posts tagged “goals”
counters are clear
Yes! YES!! YESSS!!!
pub cred, pub cred, pub cred
One of my short pieces actually got accepted by a publication! Not a pro mag, but progress.
Allow me to quote from my "Goals for 2008" from early in the year: "Get a piece published, for actual money (no matter how paltry), in an actual publication (no matter how obscure)."
CHECK.
Check, check, CHECK!!!
Well... I'm not gonna quit my day job just yet. (um, paltry... check) Let's just say I hope to break into the low two figures with my next sale. But, I am far, FAR from complaining! I am THRILLED!!!
It beats rejection by a long shot.
And, weirdly enough, it wasn't one of my speculative-fiction pieces, but a Christian piece -- which is not my usual genre. (Hmmm... )
But, it's a pub cred. Now the next time I submit something, ANYWHERE, I can put in the cover letter, "My short fiction has been published in BLANKETY-BLANK MAGAZINE." And right there, that's something I couldn't say last week. It's one more step up that ladder.
Eh, there's some debate as to whether one should list one's non-pro and semi-pro publication credits, as it makes you look like small potatoes when you're pitching to the pro pubs. But, I don't care. I truly do not give a hoot. So I am small potatoes; so what? Last week I wasn't even that. Last week I was dirt. Small potatoes is a step up from that.
WOOT.
Our church play-park has skywheels.
Basically, these are like monkey-bars, except they turn freely. So they are quite challenging for kids to get across, even kids who can do monkey bars well. Because you have to manage your momentum just right to swing the wheel you're on close enough to grab the next one, and so on. You have to be not only strong, but also fast and coordinated. You have to get in a groove, get into a rhythm.
It's tough.
Only one kid could do it right away, a year ago, and a lot of kids still can't do it.
Eldest Son can't do it.
Precious Princess can.
She did it for the first time about a month ago, and then she did it again that same day, so we know it wasn't a fluke.
She did it again last night, when we all stopped by to put the finishing touches on Phase II (benches, picnic table, bouncy whale).
She tried and tried and tried for a year -- and failed for a year -- and now she can do it.
She's five.
That's like, me working toward -- and failing at -- a challenge for, oh, about EIGHT YEARS.
Kind of puts everything in perspective.
(I've always been impatient.)
I've only been working on my writing, I mean really WORKING, for going on 2 years.
Last summer, I was nowhere near being published. This summer, I've had 2 near misses. Two pieces that made the short list, but not the final cut, at two different publications. Plus the two pieces that made finalist in that contest, even though they didn't win.
So really, that's a lot of progress in a year's time. And 2 years AGO at this time, I didn't have anything. Not one single piece that even I would have considered finished.
Patience, girl. And never quit.
Failure is only temporary.
(Dear Precious Princess! I've learned so much from her already, and she's only been around for 5 years...)
The fact is, I only have so much emotional energy.
It takes emotional energy to continue trying to improve my writing, to continue to seek publication in the face of repeated rejection. To say, "No, they're wrong," even though "they" are the experts and power-holders who could grant me entry into that world I so long to join, the realm of published authors; "No, they're wrong, and I'm just going to find someone else who is right," meaning, of course, some other pub that will give my work public play.
It takes emotional energy to deal with my temperamental genius son, who states with a straight face (and I can only believe him, the evidence supports it), "I like fighting and arguing, it's fun." It takes a great deal of emotional energy and creativity to find ways to motivate this stubborn mule, this freakishly annoying child, to adopt behaviors that will help him avoid making enemies everywhere he goes, especially when what works on him one week loses its effectiveness the following week. It takes vast reservoirs of emotional energy to feel the eyes of shop workers and other parents boring into my back and know they are thinking, "Get control of your kid," or "What a brat!" or "If my child ever acted that way, I'd do something about it," and say, "No, they're wrong, I AM a good mother, I'm doing the best I can and it could be a lot worse, and some of the things you wish I would try I HAVE tried and they only make him dig in his heels harder."
It takes emotional energy to send out resume after resume, to call back and wiggle my toe in the door, to attend interviews, to sell myself and my skills (when salesmanship has never been one of my strengths), and then to get the form letter rejection or no answer at all which must be interpreted as rejection after a certain length of time has passed; and to say, "No, they're wrong, they're missing out on a dedicated and talented employee and it's their loss. No, they're wrong and if they can't see that, then I wouldn't want to work for them anyway. And I'm just going to find someone else who is right," meaning, of course, someone who WILL hire me.
It takes a great deal of emotional energy to meet all the world's NOs time after time after time, with a great big fat NO of my own: "NO, YOU'RE WRONG. You're wrong about me, my skills, my creations, my child -- you're ALL WRONG and I will PROVE I'm right!"
And after shouting all of THESE NOs back at the world, I find I am out of the emotional energy that would be necessary to say, "No, I'm not going to eat that; no, I'm not hungry and even if I were, hunger is a good thing right now."
This summer, ever since about April, has been filled with all kinds of NO; and it has not been a good summer for my weight-loss goals. Not only am I not moving forward, I'm backsliding. All I can do right now is damage control, on the weight-loss front.
But I have a great need right now to feel like a success at SOMETHING; so maybe if I can just scrape up enough emotional energy to get back on that weight-loss wagon--that thing which is wholly under my own control, and does not depend in the slightest degree on the efforts or responses or judgments of others--then success there would help me refill my emotional reservoir enough to help with the other things, too.
So on that note, I am going to turn off my computer, go on a long walk that will end up at the local Rec Center, and then swim laps until I can't move my arms anymore.
But I'm not giving up on the writing.
Tomorrow I'm shipping out a piece that hasn't been tried with a pub since last summer -- and that (IMHO) is much improved since then.
So at this point I have 3 pieces out at various pubs, and 2 more up on my crit-group wiki. Hopefully my fellow wikians will give me some constructive crit there before I leave for vacation. I have pubs in mind for both of those two after the wikians have at them.
Tomorrow my in-laws are taking the kids, and I'm going to spend most of the day applying for jobs.
But, I'll also take the kid-free opportunity to drop that story in the mail -- although they love the Post Office. We have a nice man there who gives out stickers and lollipops to urchins. But, I will find it easier to wait in line without them!
Oh, PS -- my brother's wife had the baby this morning! Yay! -- Precious Princess's FIRST GIRL COUSIN!! (Yes, she did turn out to be a girl.) Too bad they live in Tennessee and we won't get to see much of them. But, I also have to get my baby-gift in the mail tomorrow as well.
Now all 3 of us are parents, and my parents have 5 grandkids. Whew! This time last year, my 3 kids were the only ones.
It's very weird to be this old. I don't feel as old as I am.
Bah.
Just got another one today.
That's what you get for throwing stuff at the "qualified pro" mags. Reality is, they have only enough space in a year's issues to print 3 out of every 1000 stories submitted by unknowns.
Which means, my story could be better than 95% of the stuff they see... and still not be good enough.
(Yet.)
Has to be better than 99.7% of the stuff they see. And, has to hit the right sub-editor on the right day in the right mood.
"Oh God, PLEASE not another vampire unicorn story! PLEASE!" --Toss.
(He-e-ey... a vampire unicorn! Now THERE'S an idea...)
Well, so, the stars haven't aligned yet.
Yet.
Won't accept as reality the highly disheartening receipt of two rejections lately.
Won't.
Those two stories just haven't found the right markets.
Yet.
And, I still haven't heard anything yet on the 3 pieces remaining outstanding, any one of which (IMHO) is better, really, than the two that have recently been tossed on the dungheap of history.
And, I still have one in development that's very close to being ready to submit.
And umpteen more that are just clamoring to be brought to life. Clamoring.
So, NO, I'm not going to reopen my search for a day job, I'm not going to be reasonable, be sensible, get real, I'm not, I won't.
NO, I said.
NO, I won't.
NO!
***
(the foregoing tantrum brought to you by the mother of Eldest Son, who just thought you might be interested to know where he got his stubborn streak... apple don't fall far from the tree, do it? D'Oh!!)
***
Huuuuu.
Huuuuu.
(that was me breathing deeply -- see earlier post on Eldest Son's Mother's Day book entry, "My Mother is very good at...")
***
Okay. All calm now. Brave determination mask firmly back in place over seething mire of insecurity.
Gonna go kick the butt of my latest work in progress, right now!
- C
...for reasons I will discuss in a later post.
In the meantime, a few updates:
- I haven't written a new word in almost 3 weeks. (For shame!!)
Fell out of the habit during the Disney vacation. In my own defense, however, it's not that I haven't worked on my writing during that time -- I've been editing the heck out of several pieces that were languishing in the first-draft-with-crit stage. These are the 3 -- no, 4 -- well, let's say 5 short pieces I want to get wrapped up and sent out before tackling my Novel / Trilogy / Series. Enough procrastinating on the edits, DANG IT!
- I'm also languishing on a plateau of weightloss. Or should that be weightlosslessness? Bah. Well, I still have 5 whole months to my 20th high-school reunion, so all hope is not yet lost!
- I've been enjoying my aerobics class (intimidatingly titled "Boot Camp") -- much to my surprise.
- I don't THINK I'll be homeschooling Eldest Son next year -- which is probably for the best.
Cheers,
C
This time, 10 Things I Want to Do Before I Die (and Haven't Done Yet):
(1) Go to Hawaii.
(2) Go to Alaska.
(3) Go to Australia. Heck maybe NZed too, while I'm in the area.
(4) Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
(5) Go to Isle Royale.
(6) See my own personal name on a novel being sold in Borders. (Yeah!!)
(7) See each of my children grow up to be worthwhile citizens.
(8) Go on a mission trip. Our church has sent groups to... rebuild homes after Katrina; build housing for the poor in Mexico; Habitat for Humanity home building in downtown Detroit; home repair and minor construction on a Navajo reservation; provide free dental and medical care at a clinic in Nicaragua; and others that slip my mind at present. (I would love to have gone on some or all of these, but haven't yet b/c of my own kids... In about 10 years, maybe I'll go AND take one or two of them with me!!)
(9) Walk across the Mackinac Bridge (but that's kind of a cheapie, since I'm planning on doing that one this coming Labor Day).
(10) Go on a hot-air balloon ride.
Here's what I'm going to do in 2008:
(Yoda: There is no try! Only do, or do not, there is!)
(Yes, okay, I am taking my inspiration from the words of a little green guy with funny ears who was actually a muppet voiced by the same guy who did Miss Piggy. So what? There's so little wisdom in this world of ours, ya gotta take it where you find it!)
So HERE'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, IN 2008!!!!!
- Get something published (no matter how small), for actual money (no matter how paltry), in some publicly-distributed magazine (no matter how obscure).
- Write 15 hours a week -- fiction, not blogging. Blogging will have to be after that commitment is met.
- Write a minimum of 3500 new words a week during those 15 hours of work -- including the time spent on research and learning the craft.
- Reach my target weight & size
- Dispose of all clothing larger than that size -- gone from my home, nevermore to be seen again on my person!
- Walk a half-marathon
- Walk across the Mackinac Bridge on Labor Day
